I picked this because I was going for offending the greatest number of people possible…..
Technology is a wonderful thing. I work 40 miles north of the Silicon Valley – home of Apple, Google, eBay, AMD, Facebook, you name it. I have a desktop, a laptop, two iPads, three iPhones, and four iPods of varying sizes and “generations.” I do not have a partridge in a pear tree because Apple doesn’t make one. For a while there, it was a toss up between Steve Jobs and Callaway Golf as to who was getting a greater share of my disposable income.
In my car, I have an OnStar satellite phone and Sirius/XM satellite radio. Anyone who has ever driven with regularity to Los Angeles or Lake Tahoe knows the value. You never leave the area of the good radio station and you can make calls at 7,000 ft. If my forebears had only had these marvels, I wouldn’t be hearing snickers when I make dinner reservations.
Some years ago, amidst all this gigabyte wonderfulness, California discovered it had a problem. People looking down to quickly dial phones, causing accidents when they drifted over into a lane or rear-ended the car in front of them. California passed what has been come to be known as a “hands-fee” law – i.e., you must be able to answer/start/end calls without having to hold your device in your hand. While lovely in theory, can I just tell you that Californians followed this law just the way they….well, Google “California Stop” and you’ll get the idea.
With the advent of unlimited text, California had to pass another law. This time, they implored you not to read or send texts while driving. Which sheds a great deal of light on another real problem in California today. Apparently we are populated with a lot of people that apparently were either born without common sense or left it at the Agricultural Inspection Station on the way in. And Californians followed this law….let me put it this way. You hear horns at an intersection? It’ probably not Minnie taking too long to get her car through the green. It’s Minnie forgetting she’s at a light while texting Miney where she’s going.
I didn’t think it could get worse. It has. You’ve seen them, I’m sure. They walk with their heads down, bent over their smartphones….texting. They walk with the supreme knowledge that you will get out of their way. On escalators, they are so engrossed in the latest viral YouTube video that they are completely unaware that the pretty moving stairway has come to an end, the result of which is that everyone behind them smashes into them, causing them to drop their smart phone resulting in an anxiety attack as they have to engage with real people.
However, my evil twin, whom I have named Grizelda, laughs like a demented idiot when this happens (you’ll have to view in YouTube; think of it as your after cocktail exercise):
I know I should worry, especially in California, that they vote. But unless someone puts a hashtag up on Twitter or a map on Facebook, I rather doubt they will ever be able to find their way to a polling place.
Tags: TACo Tuesday
