Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Grad school and automatic weapons
From: tomf@gte.com (Tom Fawcett)
Date: 3 Nov 92 19:22:13 GMT
Geek and weapons humor ripped off from DESPERADO.
22-May-87 19:26 Olin.Shivers@h.cs.cmu.edu Presentation announcement
It’s common knowledge that whenever you get two or more CS grad students together, the conversation will inevitably drift to the same topic: automatic weapons. Lately, we’ve noticed that whenever we attend a CS party, picnic, or bullsession, we always hear the same questions and discussions, usually from the younger grad students:
“When I switched from guncotton to standard ball powder on my .223 loads, the gas ports on my M16 would clog like you wouldn’t believe. Steer clear of that stuff.”
“You haven’t cleared an ejection port jam until you’ve cleared one in the Hill district at 4:00 AM on a Saturday morning.”
“I want to mount an M60 in front of the sun roof of my Tercel, but the mounting bracket wasn’t drilled for import cars. How did Josh Bloch do his?”
“What exactly are those special ‘conference rounds’ that Newell hand loads before AAAI every year?”
“Some of my friends at the MIT AI Lab don’t like M203’s because the grenade adds too much weight, but I wouldn’t have gotten out of IJCAI-85 in one piece if it hadn’t been for those 40mm flechette rounds. What do you think?”
“Do you have to be a god-damned tenured professor to get teflon rounds at this place?”
“Does the ‘reasonable person principle’ cover hosing down a member of the Soar project after he’s used the phrase ‘cognitively plausible’ for the fifteenth time in a 20 minute conference talk?”
“Where *did* Prof. Vrsalovic get that Kalashnikov AK-47?”
“I used to use Dri-Slide to lube my M16. How come my advisor says Dri-Slide is for momma’s boys and Stanford profs?”
“Does the way Jon Webb keeps flicking the safety of his Mac-10 on and off at thesis defenses make you nervous, too?”
In short, there is a lot of concern in this department for the proper care, handling and etiquette of automatic weapons. So as a service to the department, we are starting a two week daily series on “The Care and Handling of Your M16A1.” Every day for the next two weeks, we will post on the wall outside our office the day’s helpful hint on care and maintenance of that good old departmental standby: the M16A1. Our thanks to the US Army, whose training manuals we have shamelessly cribbed for material.
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