Much of this week’s Torah portion consists of Moses rebuking the people for a variety of mistakes, including the Golden Calf, Korach’s rebellion, the complaints about meat and water, and more. But, why did Moses choose the final days before his death to deliver 40 years worth of pent-up rebuke?
Leviticus 19:17 states:
“You shall rebuke your neighbor, but not do a sin in the process.”
Rebuke is fine, but not if the effect will be negative. If the other person will get defensive, angry, or not accept the criticism, then it is better left unsaid.
If a person feels you have your own self-interest at heart – and not his – he won’t listen to what you’re saying. Rebuke must clearly be for the benefit of the other person. He has to know that you care about him, are on his side, and want what’s best for him.
That is why Moses specifically delivers the rebuke after defeating Sichon and Og in battle (see Deut. 1:4). He had just reaffirmed his dedication to the people. So they knew that if Moses had criticism, it was only coming from a place of love.
A look at the original Hebrew clarifies this concept. The Torah says: “You should give toch’acha to your neighbor.” Toch’acha is from the same word as hoch’acha, meaning “proof.” The Torah is telling us that the way to get our neighbor to change is not through harsh rebuke, argumentation, or clever persuasion. The only way to convince anyone of anything is by way of a clear and obvious proof. As the Talmud (Brachot 7a) says: “It is better for a person to realize the truth for himself, than to have it beaten into him with 100 lashes.”
Of course, nobody likes to be on the receiving end. But do you think you’re perfect? Of course not! If you want to reach your potential, look for constructive criticism. Go ask for help to get rid of your mistakes. When a person is committed to reaching a goal, he’ll accept incredible doses of nagging, harassment and insults.
No doubt this is what King Solomon meant when he said, “Give toch’acha to a wise person ? and he’ll love you!” (Proverbs 9:8)
If you really love someone, you can’t stand to see him living a misguided life. Who gives you the most criticism? Those who love you the most – your parents. It’s because they love you that they can’t simply ignore you by saying, “He’s wasting time but I don’t care.” Similarly, humanity is one. If one person hurts, we all feel it.
So, what is the best way to correct each other? By being better role models.
Giving toch’acha does not mean criticizing, throwing stones, or shouting louder than the next guy. Real toch’acha is demonstrating through action and deed. If secular people do not appreciate the warmth and sanctity of G-d, it is because religious people are not modeling G-d in the right way. If we were truly projecting the beauty of G-d, then the truth would be obvious to all.
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Hopefully this was a bit of food-for-thought.
For those Jews who keep it, have a meaningful Shabbat. For those who do not, have a wonderful weekend.
