Our lesson today is how to make a hockey stick CRU style. This is similar to the Mann hockey stick, but it’s made out of different Fuldkommen Gak. Today’s stick will be made out of Russian Gak.

You start with an assortment of Fuldkommen Gak from various parts of the Ural region in Russia. Steve McIntyre made a nice chart here:

You need to understand a few things about the gak-o-matic algorithm. The way these gak-o-matic hockey stick generators all work is they add scoops of proxy data (in this case tree rings) into the gak-o-matic, hit puree, and mix them all up into a nice poopy mix of homogenized data. Then, when you turn off the blender, you throw it through a principal component strainer. The principal component strainer then strains out everything that doesn’t look like a hockey stick, leaving the hockey-stick looking pulp in the strainer. This strained gak is kukkuked, and when it’s done, it’s called “consensus”. The rest of the gak is composted.

Note something from the tree-rings added into the gak-o-matic. Each of those tiny graphs represents the individual series, in the approximate location on the map. So class, when we look at these individual series, what do we see?

Class: Fuldkommen Gak!

And class, how many look like hockey sticks?

Class: Only two!

And class, that’s two out of how many?

Class: Ten!

So class, how many don’t look like hockey sticks?

Class: Eight!

So class, how do they get a hockey-stick out of that?

Class: With a gak-o-matic hockey stick strainer!

Very good. One more question, class. Do the two that look like hockey sticks really look like scary hottest-in-a-thousand years hockey sticks?

Class: No!

And one final question, class. What is “consensus” made out of?

Class: Fuldkommen Gak!

Next lesson: how to make a president out of someone with no past.