
Never mind which level of Hell they’re on…
Everyone watched the video screen, intently listening to John Cavil’s express instructions to be carried out in his absence (not that he was leaving Hell any time soon). The Number One Cylon concluded:.
“I am sorry I cannot be there to guide you all. I shall be, as you are fond of saying, laid up…for a couple of weeks. After all, as our Infernal Leader said not too long ago, ‘Even I need a break.’ And so, I’m going to take the best recuperation possible, given our circumstances.
“And with that, I bid you adieu. Be seeing you….” Cavil finished with a gesture forming a monocle over his right eye with his index and forefinger, and the rest of his fingers extended diagonally above his forehead. With that, the screen faded.
“That’ll sure piss Mr. Johnson off,” muttered Saddam. “That is, if anyone ever told him about it.” He snickered and tapped a monitor set into the table to check on the Centurion’s progress. Sure enough, the bicycling blogger was being disemboweled on schedule.
Adolf Hitler piped up. “Now that he left us in charge, I want to propose a final solution to the question of resurrection!”
“A lot of good that schtick did you back on Earth, Schicklgruber!” countered D’anna, a Three who posed as a Colonial Officer in her former existence.
“There are also the rebels!” added Tom Zarek.
“Then what do you propose?” D’anna asked.
Hitler replied, “By disabling the resurrection subroutine for everyone else but us, we would have the proper hierarchy here. Remember who created whom!” He slammed his fist onto the desk. Der Führer had actually learned something about the nature of the Cylons.
“Don’t you understand? We’re being merciful to all damned souls. It’s the least we can do since we can’t escape here.”
“And we need to put the rebels in their place!” Hitler raised his voice.
Aaron Doral popped up. “Why not ask the Hybrid for its opinion?”
The entire table shouted in unison, “NO!”
Congressman Murtha added, “What, you wish to become one with another city?” Laughter ensued.
But before anyone could do anything about it, Doral rushed over to the tank where the Hybrid rested peacefully and plugged it into the net. It awoke and spoke: ”Democrats will fight to make sure that Republicans do not turn a guaranteed benefit into a guaranteed gamble….FTL drives spinning up…If I were to cry for anything, I would cry for them and the policies that they’re about to face…JUMP!”
Everyone held their breath as one moment, the meeting room overlooked the ancient fortress…
…and the next, it was one with a palatial bedroom with Cavil engaging in some activity with a Tough Six; they both were furious for the interruption.
“Um…sorry Boss,” meeked Doral, “My bad.” The group moved to beat a hasty exit. Which was, of course, put to a screeching halt as a phalanx of Centurions surrounded them. They extended their left forearms which revealed hidden blades, and all turned to Cavil. He was not happy at all.
“Ah, I see when the cat’s away the mice will play. Would you do the honors, Six?”
She nodded amd smiled. “Off with their heads….”
Posts Tagged ‘Adolf Hitler’
Meanwhile in Download City…
by Deplorable Macker ( 14 Comments › )Filed under LGF, Satire at June 18th, 2011 - 8:00 pm
Germany’s Role in the Balkans
by 1389AD ( 3 Comments › )Filed under Balkans, Canada, Europe, Germany, History, Special Report, World War II at June 6th, 2011 - 3:50 pm
Originally published on Serbianna.com Jan. 10, 2010
by Stella L. Jatras | It is both ironic and tragic that much of the turmoil in the Balkans is the result of German expansionism and Croatian brutality, but the finger of guilt seems always to point at Serbia.
Serbia continues to get the bulk of the blame from many in academic and media circles for today’s catastrophe in the Balkans. An example is Professor Staric in his recently published book entitled Confronting The Yugoslav Controversies. While attempting to appear even-handed, Prof. Staric clearly shows his anti-Serb bias with statements such as, “After Slovenia and Croatia, which were the most developed republics of the former Yugoslavia, had declared their independence on June 25, 1991, the Serbs did not like to lose their ‘cash cows’,” and “The Serbs (mainly) and Croats have clearly shown that they are unable to live in a multinational State, where each would have equal, and not more, rights than the other constitutive nations, just as the citizens of four nationalities have in Switzerland.”
I would remind the good Professor that prior to our sticking our nose into the business of a sovereign nation, Yugoslavia was a multi-ethnic, multi-cultural and a multi-religion state. Even during the fighting in the 1990s, tens of thousands of Muslims fled to safety in Belgrade. Today, Serbians have no rights in Croatia.
Although it is important to defend Serbs against unjust accusations, it is first necesary to go back to World War II in order to understand Germany’s role in the Balkans when in 1941, Hitler recognized Croatia as an Independent State for being his loyal ally. Over a million Serbs, Jews and Gypsies were exterminated in Croatia’s Ustashe (Nazi) death camps so brutally that even the German Gestapo was appalled. Fast forward. As part of the Maastricht Netherlands Treaty of 1991, Germany pressured European Community (EC) to recognize the independence of Croatia, Germany’s ally in World War II. “From a position where the EC members were 11-to-1 in favor of maintaining the unity of Yugoslavia, Germany succeeded at 4 a.m. in forcing approval for the recognition of Croatia and Slovenia as independent states (German and U.S. Involvement in the Balkans, Defense & Foreign Affairs Publications London, 1995). In 1993, Uno Mas Uno, in a report entitled, German Finger In The Yugoslav Crisis, wrote, “Those who believed that defeat in two world war had diminished Germany’s expansionist ambitions were certainly wrong. More than ever before, Germans need territories and they want to expand.” Germany knew that by recognizing Croatia, it would foment a civil war to its advantage. In two world wars, Serbia prevented Germany from gaining access to the Adriatic Sea. It was now payback time.
I hope that in his book, Prof. Staric does more than just, as he claims, “mention” Operation Storm where Croatian forces, according to Most Rev. Dr. Robert M. Bowman, Lt Col, USAF, in one of his reports, killed 14,000 Serbs in the region of Krajina. It is estimated that over 650,000 Serbs were driven out of Croatia, 250,000 of them ethnically cleansed from their ancestral homes.
From the 1998 Calgary Herald: “MPs listened in silence Monday as a colonel recounted the story of the Canadian army’s biggest firefight since Korea, the 1993 Battle of the Medak pocket, that left the [Princess Patricia Canadian Light Infantry] troops picking up 16 corpses of murdered civilians and nursing their own wounds.” The atrocities described by Canadian soldiers as perpetrated by Croatian forces against Serbian civilians are too horrific even to list here, only to say, “Days later the Croats turned over 50 bodies.” (The Ottawa Citizen, Oct. 7, 1996). A color photo which accompanied the article showed the leader of the Canadian peacekeepers, with the caption, “Lt. Col Jim Calvin, left, had to calm his outraged soldiers after they discovered the carnage.”
Charles Krauthammer described the events of Krajina in Newsweek (April 5, 1999) as “The largest ethnic cleansing of the entire Balkan wars. Investigators with the war-crimes tribunal in The Hague have concluded that this campaign was carried out with brutality, wanton murder and indiscriminate shelling of civilians….Croatia’s savage ethnic cleansing so demoralized the Serbs that they soon agreed to sign the Dayton peace accord of 1995.”
The Washington Times of 5 September 1995, reported that Croatian soldiers were given heroin or cocaine twice daily in order to help them face up to the horrors of war in reference to the explulsion of Croatian from Krajina. A Croatian soldier, identified only as Davor, stated, “To attack villages, to cut throats and to kill in cold blood you need a strong anesthetic – a shot of heroin or cocaine was ideal.” This report was also substantiated in The Guardian, on 1 September 1995.
The Washington Times of 29 December 1995 also reported that “Croats will ‘kill people for the color of their skin’.” [US Colonel Fontenot, Commandeef of NATO forces in northeastern Bosnia].
This is the same Croatia about which columnist A. M. Rosenthal, in the New York Times of April 15, wrote: “In World War II, Hitler had no executioners more willing, no ally more passionate, than the fascists of Croatia. They are returning, 50 years later, from what should have been their eternal grave, the defeat of Nazi Germany. The Western Allies who dug that grave with the bodies of their servicemen have the power to stop them, but do not.” This is the same Croatia about which The Washington Times reported (“Pro-Nazi extremism lingers in Croatia, June 15, 1997): “A German tank rolls through a small village, and the peasants rush out, lining the road with their right arms raised in a Nazi salute as they chant “Heil Hitler.” Mobs chase minorities from their homes, kicking them and pelting them with eggs as they flee into the woods. Europe in the 1940s? No. Croatia in the 1990s.”
It is both ironic and tragic that much of the turmoil in the Balkans is the result of German expansionism and Croatian brutality, but the finger of guilt seems always to point at Serbia.
Meanwhile in Download City…
by Deplorable Macker ( 51 Comments › )Filed under LGF, Satire at May 31st, 2011 - 8:30 pm

Never mind which level of Hell they’re on…
The ancient fortress appeared almost pristine for once. Tapestry from throughout the ages lined the stone walls, and the place was packed with thousands upon thousands of the most Evil individuals in all of human history, feasting and breaking out into song to commemorate their deeds…and also to sing the praises of their Ultimate Leader.
At the head of the great fortress’ hall sat a number of folks who curried the favor of The Infernal One, and as such, received more breaks from their eternal punishments than the rest of the damned souls: They all appeared in perfect health!
Saddam Hussein, his sons Uday and Qusay, his cousin Ali Hassan al-Majid, along with Yasser Arafat, the Ayatollah Khomeini, Muammar al-Gaddafi, and Osama bin Laden, all dining on the largest chickens they had ever seen here.
Adolf Hitler feasted on massive roast eggplant while sitting next to Genghis Khan with a massive plate of beef. For once, he was not repulsed to seeing the beef, which was also being consumed by Tom Zarek.
John Murtha and Ted Kennedy were slated to be treated to pork, more pork, and even more pork…although the former Senator from Massachusetts was too busy downing more scotch! In any case they were used to it and were finally happy. Fortunately, they were kept away from Saddam’s contingent for good reason
Charles Foster “Icarus” Johnson stuffed his face with what seemed to be endless supplies of Mountain Dew and Cheetos galore. Lost in the crowd were Fred Phelps, Iceweasel and Killgore Trout, some other models with grievous sins, and other humans who were mainly vassals or servants of some authority.
And at the very center of the table sat John Cavil. One seat to his right was empty, being reserved for the Prince of Darkness. When the time came, he stood up and raised his hands for all to see, and the crowd fell slient. Everyone in the Infernal Realm heard and saw this broadcast.
“The time has come, my friends,” said the Number One Cylon, “to bring in our patron! The ruler of this realm! THE INFERNAL ONE!”
The crowd roared as he materialized at the center chair! While the Muslim contingent immediately bowed down in worship mode chanting “Iblis Akbar!”, Saddam remained standing and gasped. During the cacophony of the celebration he said, “You look NOTHING like I experience every day!”
The Infernal One smiled. “What…you expect me to appear like my demonic creations with an anvil-shaped genitalia 24/7? This is, after all, my true self. Even I need a break!”
This appeared to ease Saddam’s fears…and he too bowed down to worship him.
The deafening cheers continued. Iblis then raised his hands to quite the minions, and they fell silent. “Today…I have granted you all a special reprieve from your eternal penalties! In exchange, my left-hand man,” placing his left hand on Cavil’s right shoulder, “has graciously offered to share with you all his ultimate experience from so long ago. BRING IT FORTH!”
The crowd cheered, not knowing what was to occur next. This went on for five minutes and suddenly, a strange craft materialized in the crimson skies directly above the ancient fortress. The cheering turned to muttering, when at last, the strange craft launched a single object which approached at incredible velocity, yet the time seemed to pass at a snail’s pace…so they all beheld the object: a multiple independently targetable reentry vehicle.
The strange craft then launched more of these, all of which vectored off to the various cities all over Hell.
Cavil shrugged his shoulders. “Sorry I couldn’t retrieve any of my base ships.” He pointed upward. “All those hybrids touched you-know-who! This was the best I could do on such short notice.”
“That’s quite all right,” replied Iblis. “Let’s sit back and enjoy the moment, shall we?” They did so, as the muttering morphed into sheer panic.
Everyone scurried about, desperately seeking shelter…except for Charles Johnson, who kept munching on Cheetos and slamming down even more Mountain Dew. He erroneously continued to think this was just another game scenario…until he finally realized this was for real. He screamed, “Oh SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!”
The MIRV stopped, now floating…or so it seemed to the damned. The last thing they saw was a blinding white flash…and the last thing they felt was the flesh melting away from their bones….




