Now that Obozo has been bloviating on the idiot box once again, are y’all in the mood for some vulgar humor?
So am I!
Before we go any further, let me make it abundantly clear that I do NOT defend the Cossacks with regard to their pogroms against the Jews. That said, in the interests of giving credit where credit is due, the Cossacks certainly deserve such for winning their battle against the Ottoman Turks in 1676.
The story has it that the defeated Sultan nonetheless had the gall to demand that the victorious Cossacks submit to him.
Remind you of anybody?
Whether or not the legendary account of the Cossacks’ reply is historically accurate, I am in no position to say. If your own blog is PG-rated, you probably won’t want to link to this thread. If their language is too crass for you, or if anything else here offends you, then please use your scroll wheel; otherwise, feel free to have a good laugh!
The painting below is by the magnificent Ukrainian artist Ilya Repin. Click the thumbnail to view a larger image.
From Wikipedia: Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks
Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks is a historical tableau, set in 1676, exploiting the legend of the reply that the Cossacks sent the Sultan of the Ottoman Empire, Mehmed IV. The Cossacks of the Zaporozhian Host (from ‘beyond the rapids’, za porohamy), inhabiting the lands around the lower Dnieper River in Ukraine, had defeated Ottoman Turkish forces in battle. However, Mehmed demanded that the Cossacks submit to Turkish rule. The Cossacks, led by Ivan Sirko, replied in an uncharacteristic manner: they wrote a letter, replete with insults and profanities. The painting exhibits the Cossacks’ pleasure at striving to come up with ever more base vulgarities. During Repin’s time, the Cossacks enjoyed great popular sympathy. Repin also admired them: “All that Gogol wrote about them is true! A holy people! No one in the world held so deeply freedom, equality, and fraternity.”
The text of the Sultan’s letter to the Cossacks:
As the Sultan; son of Muhammad; brother of the Sun and Moon; grandson and viceroy of God; ruler of the kingdoms of Macedonia, Babylon, Jerusalem, Upper and Lower Egypt; emperor of emperors; sovereign of sovereigns; extraordinary knight, never defeated; steadfast guardian of the tomb of Jesus Christ; trustee chosen by God himself; the hope and comfort of Muslims; confounder and great defender of Christians—I command you, the Zaporozhian Cossacks, to submit to me voluntarily and without any resistance, and to desist from troubling me with your attacks.
—Turkish Sultan Mehmed IV
The reply was a stream of invective and vulgar rhymes, parodying the Sultan’s titles:
Zaporozhian Cossacks to the Turkish Sultan!
Thou art a turkish imp, the damned devil’s brother and friend, and a secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight art thou that cannot slay a hedgehog with your naked arse? The devil s**ts, and your army eats. Thou a son of a b***h wilt not ever make subjects of Christian sons; we have no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee, f**k thy mother.
Thou art the Babylonian scullion, Macedonian wheelwright, brewer of Jerusalem, goat-f**ker of Alexandria, swineherd of Greater and Lesser Egypt, Armenian pig, Podolian villain, catamite of Tartary, hangman of Kamyanets, and fool of all the world and underworld, a fool before our God, a grandson of the Serpent, and the crick in our dick. Pig’s snout, mare’s arse, slaughterhouse cur, unchristened brow, screw thine own mother!
So the Zaporozhians declare, you lowlife. Thou wilt not even be herding Christian pigs. Now we shall conclude, for we don’t know the date and don’t have a calendar; the moon’s in the sky, the year in the book, the day’s the same over here as it is over there; for this kiss our arse!
