Well, well, well.

Rahm Emanuel has been in Israel on a private visit (mostly at undisclosed locations to prevent massive Israeli Jewish protest demonstrations against his boss President Obama) but Rahm also brought a surprise with him: an invitation for PM Netanyahu to visit Obama at the White House.

The last time these two leaders met, Obama went upstairs to eat dinner – leaving Netanyahu downstairs to stew on his own with a few aides. I wonder what the meeting will be like this time…

Obama: “Netanyahu!”

Netanyahu: “Obama.”

Obama: “Please have a seat. You know I won’t be bowing to you, right?”

Netenyahu: “Not unless you’re heading for a face plant — right.”

Obama: “You’re carrying a package. Did you bring me a present?”

Netanyahu: “No. The IDF gave us field rations in case our meeting runs through dinnertime again.”

Obama: “Oh. Good idea.”

Netanyahu: “So.”

Obama: “So.”

[Awkward silence.]

Obama: “So, I guess you’re wondering why I invited you to speak with me.”

Netanyahu: “It has crossed my mind.”

Obama: “I know it seems like my administration has been fairly hostile to Israel.”

Netanyahu: “SEEMS LIKE?”

Obama: “Well, you know, our enemies have been telling us for decades that the world would be a peaceful place if only America didn’t seem to be blindly supporting Israel all the time.”

Netanyahu: “And you believed them.”

Obama: “Well, I don’t like to think of our enemies as enemies. More like friendship-challenged acquaintances. It’s always a challenge to build friendships, you know.”

Netanyahu: “…especially with people who are trying to kill us 24/7. Yes, we know.”

Obama: “In any case, I thought that our friendship-challenged acquaintances would be more willing to befriend America if we kicked Israel around a little.”

Netanyahu: “Silly you.”

Obama: “Yeah, it hasn’t exactly worked out.”

Netanyahu: “Imagine my surprise.”

Obama: “Yeah, it’s been a surprise to me, too. However, we think we’ve found a way around this problem. We simply aren’t kicking Israel around ENOUGH!”

Netanyahu: “Well, we’re going to hold Rahm Emanuel hostage in Israel.”

Obama: “Excuse me?”

Netanyahu: “Just kidding. Everyone in Israel has offered to drive him to the airport.”

Obama: “Oh. Well, anyway. Out of my profound love for Israel and our endlessly wondrous, stupendous, and downright magical commitment to Israel’s security, we’re going to screw you in the proximity talks.”

Netanyahu: “No way!”

Obama: “Way!”

Netanyahu: “How about that! … Can I go now? These field rations are looking pretty tempting.”

Obama: “Well, I just wanted to make sure you understood that we’re going to screw you in the proximity talks for the sake of… [faraway, misty facial expression] …PEACE.”

Netanyahu: “Look — we already knew that you were going to screw us in the proximity talks.”

Obama: “You did?”

Netanyahu: “Yeah.”

Obama: “How did you know?”

Netanyahu: “Like the story of the scorpion who stings the frog on their way across the river and drowns them both — it’s in your nature.”

Obama: “Wow, I feel like we’ve really gotten to know each other in this little chat.”

Netanyahu: “We’ve known about you since 2008, actually.”

Obama: “Yeah, I’m pretty famous and everything. Cool, huh?”

Netanyahu: “Yeah. Care for a face plant before I go?”

Obama: “Huh?”

Netanyahu: “Never mind. Oh, and we know what to do about the proximity talks. See ya!”