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Posts Tagged ‘wankers’

Cheesecake Of The Ancients

by Bunk Five Hawks X ( 89 Comments › )
Filed under Art, History, Humor, OOT, Open thread at February 26th, 2012 - 11:00 pm

“The Dancing Venus of Galgenberg is unique. Her head and limbs are carefully depicted, and even accented with openings in the stone. Her left arm is raised with the hand behind the head. She stands with her weight resting insouciantly on one foot, and the right hand is placed on the hip. One breast is shown in profile, the other is carved in low relief. In my column, I drew attention to Betty Grable’s familiar pose.

“The Dancing Venus is no Mother Goddess. This is a chick with sex appeal. Cheesecake since the dawn of time.

Really? A poorly sculpted lump of jade was stoneage juvenile wankage material? Let’s file this in the Whodathunkit Category on The Overnight Open Thread.

Paleocheesecake

by Bunk Five Hawks X ( 261 Comments › )
Filed under Art, Evolution, History, Humor, Open thread, World at June 5th, 2010 - 11:00 pm

Now really. Which silhouette is hotter?

Despite what the modern mind might think, The Ancients weren’t oblivious to the power of suggestive images. Lacking cameras or other modern recording equipment, they made many such representations of female anatomy (such as the one above left). Undoubtedly they knew that straw, sand or mud images wouldn’t last.

The only difference between The Ancients and us is that developing such images took weeks instead of mere seconds. On the other hand, their images lasted thousands of years, and they’re STILL hawt, in a paleolithic kinda way.

One can only imagine the surprise when Bhugah took Mokrhah aside to show him his stone equivalent of teh pron. “Dude! Check it out! Looks just like that slut from the Ptkusu clan across the wash! Give it back to me in an hour.” Of course, Bhugah never got it back, and was forced to hunt down and kill Mokrhah for being a profligate neolithic wanker.

Hell, they were just teenage boys with a tad too much time on their hands, and each likely died of an errant fleabite infection at the old age of 23, long before serious diseases were invented. But their rock-porn survived.

Fertility goddesses? Nah. Those were wanking stones.

Next stop: Overnight Open Thread.